


What to Tell

by DeepwoodSprite



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Emotional Conflict, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Varric has a hard time with emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-05-24 14:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14956638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepwoodSprite/pseuds/DeepwoodSprite
Summary: The Inquisitor and Varric Tethras have fought side by side since she first stumbled out of the Fade. Once Corypheus is defeated and the breach closed, Aida can no longer hide her feelings for Varric as he plans to return to Kirkwall.With Aida finding every excuse to spend more time with Varric before the time comes for him to leave, what will happen when a dwarf finds himself falling in love when his heart should belong to another?





	1. Truth waits in silence

Night fell on Corypheus, and as the Inquisitor and her army returned to Skyhold a wave of relief barreled into her with such force that she froze in her tracks.

    Varric glanced back at her, checking on her as he had several times during their trek back from the Temple of Sacred Ashes. He walked back to where she was standing, waving the rest of their group on as they noticed her as well.

    “You okay there Sprout?”

    Aida chuckles softly, “Yeah.” She pauses for a moment before breaking out into a fit of laughter, earning quite a few confused looks from the soldiers around them.

    Varric smiles ruefully at her, “I told you we’d do it.”

    She shakes her head, struggling to catch her breath, “By the gods I still can’t believe it. It all seems so insane.”

    He nods solemnly to that, “Yes, it does.”

    She sighs, wrapping her arms around her aching chest, “I think I’m losing it Varric.”

    “With everything you’ve dealt with so far, I’m impressed it took you this long.”

    Aida takes an unsteady breath, regaining her bearings, and reaches out to grasp Varric’s shoulder, “Will you stay with me for a while?”

    She glances around at the soldiers still dispersing into Skyhold before looking back down at Varric. His face was filled with soft concern, and for once she didn’t care that she was being pitied. She was exhausted and afraid of what her mind would conjure up on its own; she wanted him by her side.

    Varric nods and pats her hand comfortingly, “I’m here for you Sprout, whatever you need.”

    She smiled down at him and dropped her hand from his shoulder, turning and following the soldiers into Skyhold.

    She glanced over the expressions of those they passed by as they climbed the steps of their stronghold and into the extravagant main hall, being met by a mixture of pride, exhaustion, and mild curiosity. If she had been walking to her rooms with anyone else she suspected she would have been met with knowing looks and suggestive gossip, but with Varric no one batted an eye.

    Her drifting emotions were pulled back for a moment, pinned down by her annoyance at everyone’s dismissal of anything happening between them. She shouldn’t have let it get to her, it was true there was nothing between them, but it wasn’t for her lack of want.

    She lets out a frustrated sigh under her breath and climbs the winding stairs to her room, collapsing into her cushioned sofa as soon as she enters. She hears the soft thud of Varric closing the door behind him and pushes herself up onto her elbows as he approaches.

    “Am I supposed to sit on your back?” He asks in an amused tone, looking over her body stretched out on the couch.

    She replies with a groan, pushing her chest further off the couch and making room for him. “I already hurt enough without you on top me.”

    He grins at her and cocks an eyebrow, his reply clear on his face.

    “Oh shut up and sit down.”

    He holds up his hands in mock defense, “Now now, I didn’t say anything.” He chuckles and sits down.

    She shakes her head in response, biting her lip in an attempt to repress a smile. She pushes further down the couch and rolls onto her side, laying her head down on his lap.

    “Just couldn’t keep yourself off me, huh?” He teases, patting her shoulder.

    Heat blooms across her face and she rolls her eyes, hoping he couldn’t see her expression.

    “I’m tired.”

    His gaze travels over her side, “How’s your back?”

    “Hurts.” She grunts, her short response expressing her desire to stop talking. She lets out a long breath, snuggling her face into his lap and squeezing her eyes shut.

 

They stayed like that for a while, Aida clinging to the blanket of warmth and security that having him close provided her.

    Regardless of what her heart wanted, she was glad to have him as a close and trusted friend. Stumbling out of the reach had been hard; her entire way of life changed in an instant. But meeting Varric had made things easier. He was always ready with a joke, extravagant story, or smartass quip, and while he usually deflected serious conversation, he was there when she needed him.

    Varric’s hand runs lightly over her shoulder and her eyes open in surprise, her thoughts scattering to the ground like a deck of cards.

    His fingers leave little sparks of warmth on her skin as they travel down her upper arm and she freezes, afraid that if she moves he would stop touching her. The warmth from his hand travels up her arm into her chest, and she suppresses a shiver. If only he knew what that did to her. Then a thought appears in her head, unbidden.

_Perhaps he did._

    She pushes the thought away bitterly; of course he isn’t doing it on purpose. He saw her as a friend, as the Inquisitor. _He has Bianca._

    She felt Varric’s chuckle rumble in his chest, “Don’t forget to breathe Inquisitor.” He teases from above her.

    There was her answer then.

    She huffs in indignation, trying to cover her intake of breath. A short and bitter ‘Ass’ was her only reply before shifting her head and closing her eyes again.

    Varric laughs once more and pats her head lightly, reinforcing just how little he thought of her the way she did of him. He was always patting her like some little kid. In that moment she felt like a lovesick child and it only served to frustrate her further.

    By the Dread Wolf she’d just killed Corypheus, a damn darkspawn dragon, and saved the entirety of Thedas! She should be celebrating, shouting from the balcony in victory, but instead her mind was filled with bitterness as she drifted to sleep wishing the man she cared for so deeply felt the same way.

 

* * *

 

Varric closed the door softly behind him, leaning against the solid panels in exhaustion.

 _Andraste’s tits_ what had he been thinking?

 

_Aida’s breaths were soft and even, laying there on his lap, curled loosely on the sofa. She smelled like woods and sweat; they hadn’t had much time to wash up on their way back from fighting Corypheus. Yet underneath it all there was still the scent of her. The crisp air of wind across mountain tops, the gentle sweet of fresh blossoms. An effect from spending so much time up high in her garden castle, he suspected._

_He looked up at her room, smiling to himself at the plants strewn across its entirety, spilling over the balcony and unfurling gently on every flat surface that could hold a pot. It was no surprise she’d chosen to start an herb garden outside, she had a green thumb long before she had her emerald anchor._

_Looking back down at her there he was struck by the thought that this wasn’t just Aida the Inquisitor; this was Aida the woman, the friend and fighter who’d done the impossible. She had a life before the whole world went to shit. He hoped she still had one to go back to, she didn’t talk much about who she was before._

_She looked so small and lonely. All of a sudden he wanted to touch her, be closer to her. His hand twitched on her shoulder and he roamed gently down her arm, feeling her soft skin beneath him. He couldn’t help but marvel at how someone so soft and delicate could hold the power to unite thousands of people. The might of an army united under the strength of a Crystal Grace._

_He realized as he gazed at her that she was holding her breath, her body tensed._

_He snapped back to himself in surprise, what was he doing? This was the Inquisitor of all people. Fuck he hadn’t been thinking. He pushes his frantic thoughts away and chuckles._

_“Don’t forget to breathe Inquisitor.” He’d said, cursing himself silently for the hitch in his breath._

_“Ass”_

_He laughs in earnest this time, patting her head. It was his natural reaction with her, but for the first time he wondered if truthfully he just wanted to touch her._

_They went silent again and he left as soon as she fell asleep, draping a blanket carefully over her body and letting her get some much deserved rest._

He scrubbed his hand over his eyes and shoved off the wall.

    He was just tired; it’d been a long walk back. He wasn’t in his right mind, and it wasn’t fair to her.

    She deserved something better than a passing curiosity.

    “I need a drink.” He grumbled under his breath, heading down the stairs.

 

* * *

 

    “How about a drink Bull?”

    The Iron Bull was already surrounded by a group of revelers when Varric entered the tavern and he raised his mug at Varric’s approach, laughing heartily, “Varric, join in the celebration!”

    Varric ordered a mug of ale and joined the table, recognizing the rest of the celebrators as the chargers.

    “To a damn good fight!” Krem cheered, raising his mug.

    The rest of the Tavern joined in with scattered yells of approval. Varric raised his mug and downed half the ale inside with a hearty swig.

    Bull watches him down his ale with a smile, “So where’s the boss?”

    Varric laughs, “I’m sure she’d love to join, but she’s getting some much needed sleep.”

    “That’s not all she needs.” Bull gives him a look and takes a swig from his own mug, “She needs to celebrate, get laid!”

    Varric very nearly chokes on his ale before recovering with a chuckle, “I’d like to be there when she hears you said that.”

    Bull waves his hand in the air, “Ahh– it’s true! She needs to release some steam.” He grunts, “She’s always so together. I’d love to see her lose control a little… bet it’s a sight to see.”

    “I’m sure it would.”

    Varric downs the rest of his mug, he came here to forget what had just transpired in Aida's room but Bull certainly wasn’t helping. All he could think of now was her skin, how soft she felt, he wondered if the rest of her felt the same…

    Bed. He needed to get some sleep. This damn wasn’t helping.

    He clasps Bull on the arm before leaving for his room; climbing the steps back up to the stronghold and willing his feet not to walk back to the Inquisitor.

 

In his room he collapsed on his bed, exhausted and confused. He stared idly at the ceiling before glancing over at his desk, his eyes roaming over scattered sheets of paper and melted candle nubs before coming to rest on Bianca.

_Bianca._

    What in the world was he thinking? What would Bianca say, knowing he was thinking such things about the Inquisitor. His chest tightened sickeningly, it felt like a betrayal.

    They had been trying to make things work; sending letters and stealing fleeting moments on the rare chance that they could, before the entire shit show of the Deep Roads.

    Despite everything he still loved her. So why was he having these thoughts now?

    He fell into a troubled sleep, his dreams providing little in the way of answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how long this story will go on, but I really want to give Varric and Lavellan's relationship the thought and time it deserves. This will probably be a slow burn, as I see Varric taking a while to truly open up.  
> I will update the tags as the story progresses, but for now I hope you enjoyed chapter one loves <3


	2. An invitation

    Aida burrowed into the soft cocoon around her, savoring the gentle warmth as she slowly woke before rubbing the sleep from her eyes and stretching her legs out with a groan. Gods she was stiff, and her back throbbed dully with each movement.

    She gazed around her room idly, taking in the dawn. Soft golden light drifted into her room and danced off the floor, illuminating her desk and plants in a hazy glow.

    “Mmm… Good morning.” She mumbles, to no one in particular.

    She sits up and plants her feet on the ground, the realization she was still on her sofa dawning on her.

 _Oh no_ , she groans inwardly. She’d fallen asleep on Varric last night. Sure she had asked him to stay with her, but it wasn’t like she’d planned to sleep on his lap. Not to mention her response to Varric touching her arm.

    The hot breath of embarrassment crept up the back of her neck, and Aida ran her hand through her hair. Well, she would have some apologizing to do and excuses to make.

    She drops her hand back in her lap exhaustedly and looks over at her bed. Something nagged at the back of her mind, but she couldn’t figure out what. She stares down at her hands, lost in thought before it dawns on her, _the blanket_. She looks back at her bed to make sure, and indeed the blanket from her bed was no longer there but with her on the couch.

_Its things like this you need to stop doing. You’re too damn thoughtful Varric. How am I supposed to get over this childish infatuation if you keep caring for me?_

    She shakes her head and pushes up from the couch, reaching up on her toes and stretching her back out carefully. A sigh of relief escapes her lips as the throbbing in her side subsides into a light ache.

    Her plants were looking vibrant and healthy, and as she retrieved her water pail from the balcony she made a mental note to thank Dagna for looking after them so well.

 

    Aida swings her door open and walks down the stairs into Skyhall. She always found the main hall of Skyhold intimidating so early in the morning. The ceiling stretched to the very heavens and seemed ten times bigger with no one inside sitting at the tables or milling about.

    She snuck a glance up at Vivienne’s ‘room’, if one could even call it that. The balcony was so open and free, like standing at the edge of the mountains. But Aida already spent enough time exposed to the public without, quite literally, living on a pedestal. She enjoyed her scant moments of privacy too greatly to give them up for an open view.

    She continued on her way, sneaking down stairs and through the passageways to the kitchen, then snatching a loaf of bread behind the chef’s back and flashing her an innocent smile before slipping outside.

    Cole was pacing restlessly by the stone well when she exited the kitchens and Aida walked over, setting down her pail on the well’s edge and plopping down beside it.

    “Good morning Cole, you’re out early.”

    Aida tears her loaf of bread down the middle and holds a half out to Cole absentmindedly.

    “His thoughts were loud. _Yellow notes sour on his tongue. Confusion clouding his mind, muddling the words across the paper. Her voice, strong and kind lingering at the edges of his thoughts.”_

    When Cole made no move towards her offering Aida shrugged and took a bite out of the half herself. She didn’t ask who ‘he’ was, she knew better than to pry.

    “Do you think you can help him?”

    Cole stops pacing and looks at her, studying her face intently. “I don’t think it’d help.”

    “Don’t think _what_ would?”

    “I wanted to help.” He urges, “I tried, told him. But he insisted he was fine, said I couldn’t help.”

    Aida pats his shoulder gently, “I know Cole. It’s okay, you tried. Sometimes we have to work things out on our own.”

    Cole turns his look of concern on her, “Like you?”

    She smiles lightly in response, “Like me. Look it’s still pretty early, you should go get some rest. I’m sure others will need your help later today.”

    She doubted Cole even _did_ rest, she’d never seen him sleep before, but never the less he nods and walks back towards the Herald’s Rest, undoubtedly to fret more.

    Aida finishes her loaf of bread before filling her pail and heading back upstairs, careful not to spill as the rest of the castle began to wake. In her rooms once more she waters her plants and tends to them, paying them extra attention for her long absence.

 

    After scrubbing her face with the left over water and changing into fresh clothes, Aida headed back to the hall with a swing in her step. As she entered it was apparent the daily hustle of Skyhold had begun. The building was abuzz with energy and excitement at their victory, and planning for a celebration was already underway.

    Of course Aida knew there was still much to do, there were still places in Fereldan and Orlais that needed their help, but the excitement was never the less uplifting to see.

    Varric was already in his usual spot by the fire, studying leaves of paper. She walked over and sat down in the seat next to him, trying to appear casual.

    “Thank you for the blanket last night.” She glances down at the letters in front of him awkwardly, “And uh, sorry I fell asleep on you… I was just so exhausted, after Corypheus and everything.” Aida supplies lamely.

    Varric looks up at her and waves his hand dismissively, “Don’t worry about it Inquisitor. And technically it _is_ your blanket, I simply moved it.”

    She laughs, “Well I know it’s mine, thank you for _moving_ it.” She insists.

    He smiles and shakes his head, “So what’s the Inquisitor, almighty slayer of Corypheus, up to now that she’s victorious?”

    She huffs in frustration. Could he _ever_ accept someone’s gratitude?

    “I barely made it out of that fight alive, I don’t think I’d use ‘almighty’.”

    Varric’s smile widened into a mischievous grin, his eyes filled with mirth, “Oh but I would.”

    She snorts and rolls her eyes, “Of course you would. Already been spreading extravagant tales of how I slayed Corypheus one handed with a rusty knife, have you?”

    He laughs in response, the sound deep and contagious. Aida couldn’t help but chuckle with him.

    “Actually it was a broken sword if I recall. Rather impressive that.”

    Aida lets out a single, incredulous laugh. “You didn’t!”

    “Maybe, but who’s to know?” He winks conspiratorially.

    Aida flusters, memories of last night flying back to her. She shakes her head and pushes his shoulder, “I won’t have you spreading rumors! Though by the gods you already do.”

    “What can I say? I’m a born storyteller.”

    “You’re a born liar.”

    He snorts, “That too!”

    She shakes her head and looks down, running her hand through her hair, trying to conceal her grin. Varric smiled at her for a moment before tilting his head.

    “So what _is_ the plan Sprout?”

    Aida props her head in her hand, studying his face. He sat there patiently, waiting for her to respond. In truth she was tired, of fighting tooth and nail every day, of responsibilities she never asked for. She longed for some sense of her life before the anchor.

    She looks away, ashamed of her thoughts, and shrugs noncommittally, “I don’t know.”

    “Well you’re a hero now, and heroes never stop meddling. Maker knows Hawke couldn’t. You must have something on your mind, though I suggest retirement.”

    Aida sighs, the weight of her role ever present. “I’ll poke around Fereldan, see what still needs to be done.” She looks back at Varric and smiles wryly, “Retirement sounds lovely, but there’s always something isn’t there?”

    Before he could respond Aida stood up, she hadn’t come to complain. “Thank you again Varric. I should go speak to Josephine.”

    Varric accepts her dismissal of the topic with a nod, “Always a pleasure Inquisitor.”

    Her chest constricts painfully for a moment, this damned dwarf. He always seemed to know when to push further and when to pull back. He was good with people, charming and joking his way through every situation. Sometimes she wished she could do the same.

 

Josephine was speaking to Vivienne as Aida entered her office. The sun was already well in the sky, and light streamed in from the windows.

    “Ah Inquisitor,” Vivienne said as she turned towards her, “How wonderful of you to join us. I was just speaking with Josephine here about the preparations for your victory banquet.”

    Josephine smiles from behind her desk, “We were just discussing the guest list, invitations will be sent out before the day is through.”

    Vivienne nods, “Indeed, I’ve assured that all of the most important people will be attending. It will be grand.”

    “With the two of you in charge I’m sure it will be.” Aida chuckles.

    The idea of a grand banquet was appealing, but what mattered most was that her friends would be there. She’d come to rely on everyone in the Inquisition so much, she couldn’t imagine a victory without them. They were family now.

    A thought dawned on Aida and she hesitated for a moment, unsure if it was truly a good idea.

    “Josephine?”

    “Yes Inquisitor?”

    It was worth a shot at least.

    “Do you think we could invite clan Lavellan?”

    “I hardly think we’ll have enough room for an entire Dalish clan!” Vivienne exclaimed.

    Josephine muses on it for a moment, searching through the papers on her desk. “It may be difficult to reach them, but we can send out invitations for a few members. I’ll have Cullen assure their safe travels if they accept.”

    Aida’s heart sped; hope that she would finally see some of her family again filling her with joy, “Truly? We could?” She was grinning like a fool now, “Thank you. I’ll have their names to you before sundown.” She assured.

    Josephine smiled, “Of course, I’m sure everyone will be excited to meet them.”

    Vivienne nodded, “Indeed, it will be interesting to meet those of the clan of the inquisitor.”

    “Not just my clan, my family.” Aida adds, still grinning. “Thank you again Josephine. I’ll let the two of you get back to planning.”

    Aida ducks out of Josephine’s office and beelines straight back to her rooms, pulling out sheets of paper and a jar of ink. She picks up the quill resting on her desk and sits down, spreading everything before her. She scrawls carefully across the top of one sheet _Invitations for clan Lavellan, as requested by Aida Kanna Lavellan_.

    She frowns and taps the quill against her chin in thought, biting her lip. She couldn’t have Josephine send a formal invitation to all of them. She shifts the sheet of paper to the side and starts on another.

 

_Dear babae,_

_I’m sorry I couldn’t write you before now. ~~With everything that’s been happening~~ With the duties that come with being leader of the Inquisition, there hasn’t been much time. We’ve finally defeated Corypheus and sealed the breach, and the Inquisition will be holding a banquet for our victory. ~~I would~~ The Inquisition would like to invite you, Shaevra, and Cymael to come to Skyhold and join us in the celebration. I would like to invite Istimaethorial as well, but I know she would be hard pressed to leave the clan. She’d have my bow just for suggesting such a thing._

_I’m afraid it won’t quite be like our celebrations at home, but in truth I wish to see you all. Josephine has promised to have guards sent to escort you, and I_ know _you don’t need them. But humor me if you do accept, these months have not been kind to any of us. I would sleep easier knowing you are on your way to me and safe. We sealed the breach, but some trouble still remains._

_I am doing well. Inquisitor is quite the heavy title, and in truth not at all what I had expected to come of that day. Please do not feel guilty. It was my choice to go, you did not send me. And I am safe. I apologize that I am not there with this letter, but I still have a duty._

_I lath,_

_Mar asha’lan Aida_

    Her quill pressed heavily to the paper as she signed. Maybe she should have told him the whole truth; that she didn’t know when she would be coming home, but she didn’t want him to worry. No doubt he would storm all the way to Skyhold far ahead of the guards just to drag her back home.

    She returns to the invitations list and adds _Jolasan Fiohris Ralaferin, Shaevra Kanna Lavellan,_ and _Cymael Byrn Lavellan_.

    Aida sets her quill down and re-corks the pot of ink, reaching over to light the candle at the corner of the desk.

    Josephine had insisted Aida adopt an official seal once she became inquisitor. She rarely wrote letters, as she preferred leaving such things to Josephine, but she was adamant it would improve their standing with the nobility. She still felt awkward with the stamp, often smudging the wax and smearing the seal. But they worked to close the letters and that was all she needed. After both were folded and adequately sealed she flipped over the letter to her father and wrote _Jolasan_ across the back, then _Josephine_ along the other. She only hoped they would accept her invitation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize that chapter two took a bit of time to post, chapter three is already well under way and will be up quicker.


	3. Preparation

The next morning after her daily chores Aida practically sprints through the halls in her excitement. She could see her family again. It’d been so long since she’d seen her clan. She’d been glad to know they were safe after the events at the Conclave, but it didn’t compare to actually seeing them.

“Where are you headed?” Varric called after her as she hurried past.

Aida simply laughed as she pushed through the main door, smiling at him over her shoulder as she slipped outside. She walked past the people wandering about and snatched a bow and quiver from the armory. She had too much energy for the morning and needed to focus it somewhere.

She jogged up the steps next to the tavern, climbing up the enormous stronghold’s wall. At the top she wandered over to the training platform, catching her breath. The patchwork targets were already battered from previous use, straw spilling out of a gash in one of the dummies.

She knocked an arrow and pulled back the bowstring, aiming at the stuffed sack furthest from her at the edge of the battlements. The arrow flew with a soft rush of air and sank into the target with a satisfying _thunk_. It stuck towards the middle of the target, and Aida let loose two more arrows in quick succession, both managing to land close to her initial shot. She backed up and shot again, letting each arrow fly from a different angle. She wanted to push further, shoot from an even greater distance, but soon she couldn’t back up further without hurtling down the wall.

While the thought of saving the world only to break her own neck during training made her huff in ironic amusement, there were things she still had to do. Such as talking to Josephine about further help in Ferelden and Orlais.

One mention of a party and the possibility to see her family yesterday, and her true priorities had flown out the window. _Leader of the Inquisition indeed_.

She’d need to speak to Josephine or Cullen today, and hopefully she wouldn’t cause another interruption and become sidetracked again. Just because they’d had one victory didn’t mean the fighting was over.

The crisp air whipped her hair against her cheeks as she stalked towards the injured dummy; she grasped her bow in both hands and swept it below her in a calculated blow, felling her imaginary enemy. She jabs and strikes, arching the weapon over her head and around, slamming it into the dummy’s side. The gash widens and tears, straw flying into the air and scattering to the ground. Her muscles strain as she blocks and parries, drilling over and over again.

She knew the movements by memory, but she couldn’t afford to grow lazy. Being content was the same as inviting death. She’d learned that quickly since her world changed.

When she finally backed away she was covered with straw and dust, sweat running down her chest and back. She stood there panting, staring at the now ruined husk of a dummy.

“Well that was pretty intense. You know– people usually use a bow for _shooting_ things.” She heard a humorous voice comment behind her and glanced over her shoulder.

“Though I guess that looked pretty effective.” Varric adds, nodding to the mangled dummy.

Aida strides over to the sack and pulls her arrows free, “What good is a sword if you can’t throw it?” She returns the arrows to their quiver and turns around, “Or a bow if you can’t hit things with it?”

Varric shakes his head and smiles, “I’d say a broken bow is of no use at all.”

“What are you doing up here?” Aida asks, walking back over to him.

“You left in such a rush this morning; I knew you had to be up to something.”

Aida crosses her arms, tapping the bow against her leg, “And how did you know I was up here?”

“Call it a lucky guess.”

She raised her eyebrow at him, not quite buying it. There was no way to see her from the grounds, and it’s not like she came here all the time. He probably just asked someone where she went.

“I had too much energy, that’s all. I needed to do something.”

“What’s gotten you this worked up in the morning?” His face falls serious for a moment. “Is it Corypheus?”

Aida laughs, “For once, no. In fact it has nothing to do with him at all. Well- maybe a little. I’ve invited my family to the banquet. It’s… been a long time since I’ve last seen them.”

Varric relaxes, the momentary tension he’d shown fading away. “Ah. Since before the Conclave, right?”

Aida nods, it seemed like a lifetime ago since that day now.

“You nervous?”

“I don’t know. I feel different now, after everything. I’m excited to see them, I _want_ to see them. But,” she pauses, looking out across the mountains, “I know it won’t really be the same anymore.”

“These things change you Sprout.” He shrugs, “But that’s not a bad thing. What type of hero _doesn’t_ go through a life-changing, rousing character arc?”

She looks back down at him and smiles, “I suppose.”

“Trust me; they’ll be just as excited to see you as you are. And if they ask for glorious recounts of your extraordinary deeds, I’m more than happy to oblige.” He adds with a wink.

Aida chuckles and slings the bow across her back, “I’m sure you would be.”

“Well, now that you’re warmed up for the morning, where did Josephine say we’re headed?”

“She didn’t. I was sidetracked yesterday and forgot to ask. But since we’re already up here, care to accompany me in a visit to our commander?”

“As much as I would love to see his face as you track straw into his office, I’ll pass. Curly’s still a bit sore over our last game of wicked grace, best not to remind him.”

Aida smiles and shakes her head, “Alright, I’ll let you know once everything’s sorted out.”

 

Varric leaves and Aida heads over to Cullen’s office, picking out straw from her bun and attempting to smooth her loose hair to little avail. She’d given up trying to straighten herself out by the time she’d reached his office.

“Cullen, do you have a moment?”

Cullen was leaning over a report at his desk as she walked in, and he looked up at her ruffled appearance in surprise.

“Inquisitor, is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine Cullen. I was just stopping by to see if you had any reports I should attend to.”

Cullen looks her up and down again dubiously before turning his attention back down at the papers on his desk, “Well, most of them can be dealt with by the rest of our forces, but there have been a few rifts still causing trouble.”

Aida groaned inwardly, she’d hoped that by sealing the Breach it would have taken care of the minor rifts left over as well. She stifles the moment of self pity quickly and nods, “I’ll see to them. Could you have the reports sent to my room?”

“Of course.”

Aida nods and turns to head back out to the battlements when Cullen speaks up again.

“Inquisitor?”

She pauses and looks back at him questioningly.

“Please don’t overwork yourself; our men can take care of things while you recover for a few days. You deserve it after everything.”

Aida smiles assuringly, “I’m fine Cullen, thank you though.”

He nods and she walks out, hoping he believed her.

 

Aida cleans up the remains of her eviscerated practice dummy and makes a quick stop by the requisitions office to have it replaced before returning to Skyhall. Varric was sitting in his usual spot at the head of his table by the fireplace; he claimed it was his by occupational right, the writer always gets the warmest chair ‘to stoke the fires of creation’ he said. He sat back comfortably with a book in his hand, enjoying the afternoon. Aida pulled out the chair next to him and sat down, resting her chin on her laced hands. Varric looked up at her and cocked his eyebrow questioningly.

“We’re hunting down the remaining rifts.” She says flatly.

“You seem thrilled about that.”

“I’d hoped they’d all disappear afterwards.”

Varric laughs, “Didn’t we all.”

Varric’s brow knits together in concern when she doesn’t respond. “Look, I know you want to help everyone and everything, but you just saved the entire _world_.” He looks at her pointedly, “You don’t just deserve to take a break, you _need_ to.”

Aida starts to respond but Varric holds up his hand, cutting her off, “Just think about it for a second. You’re our leader, a symbol of hope and victory to people all across Thedas! If you jump straight back into the fray people will start to worry it’s not really over. They’ll be afraid Corypheus wasn’t truly defeated. You can still send out your soldiers, they’ll know you’re helping to rebuild, and continuing to protect the people, but right now they need to see you celebrate. Relax for just a moment; you can continue to worry later.”

Aida sighs, why did his argument have to make sense? _Damn his author’s brain_. She wanted nothing more than to forget everything for a few days, but she just _couldn’t_. She couldn’t do nothing while everyone else continued to fight, simply because she was the Inquisitor.

She looks at Varric imploringly and he shakes his head, “I knew it wouldn’t be so easy. Alright, you win.” He studies her face for a moment and she’s instantly reminded of her disheveled appearance, heat rising to her cheeks. “But,” he adds, “there’s something I need to do first. I have a friend who needs some help, if you don’t mind stopping on the way.”

Aida nods, “Of course, I’d be more than happy to.” She stands and brushes a hand over her hair, “I should go take a look at those reports then. Could you let Solas and Cassandra know? I’d like them to come along if we’re closing rifts.”

Varric looks at her for a moment, “Aida...” he says softly.

Aida was taken aback by the use of her name, staring back at him in confusion. He never used her name, her heart pounded in her chest and she couldn’t think for a moment, until the reason he was staring at her like that hit her.

“Right. Sorry, I just… forgot for a moment.” She apologizes and clears her throat, “Ask Dorian please.” She adds quickly before turning away.

She still wasn’t used to Solas’s absence. She hadn’t agreed with him on everything, but she’d still considered him a friend, and it hurt that he’d left without saying anything. She hoped he was alright, wherever he was, but that was an issue for another day.

 

Three reports lay waiting on her desk when Aida entered her room, and she glanced over them briefly before looking over at her empty water pail. She’d need to get cleaned up before she did anything else, especially if they were going to travel tomorrow.

 She sent for water to bathe and looked back over the reports as the water warmed by the fire. One report was from the Hinterlands, another from Crestwood, and the last from Emprise du Lion. They could travel to the Hinterlands and Crestwood first, and then return to Skyhold and on to Emprise du Lion. Aida started to write out a list of supplies they’d need and plot their course, though she knew it may change depending on where Varric needed to go.

_Who exactly is this friend?_

The last time Varric had needed help for a friend it was for Bianca, and she’d seen how well that’d gone. A pang of jealousy and anger flashed in her chest that made her feel nauseous. Bianca had used him for her own gain. He deserved better than that.

She put down her quill and stood up, taking a steadying breath. It wasn’t up to her to decide that, Varric could choose to be with whomever he wanted.

The water had warmed by the fire and Aida brought over a cloth and wooden stool before untying her hair, letting her tangled curls fall just below her shoulders. She’d considered cutting her hair shorter, but it was one of the few parts of her left largely unchanged after everything that had happened, and some part of her didn’t want to lose that. She stepped out of the clothes she’d taken to wearing among Skyhold and sat down, dipping her cloth in the water and starting to scrub herself clean. She felt the tension slowly leave her muscles and sighed.

She admittedly missed the baths they’d had at Val Royeaux, they were one of the most luxurious things she’d ever experienced. She’d briefly humored the idea of having a bath put in her room before realizing just how impractical such a thing would be, from moving it all the way up the several flights of stairs to her room to filling and emptying all the water it would take for each use. Though she doubted Vivienne would agree it was impractical, in fact she’d probably insist it was absolutely necessary for her health and reputation as Inquisitor.

Aida let her mind wander as she relaxed; cleaning up the salt and dust that still clung to her skin. She hadn’t had a moment to unwind in quite a long time. She closed her eyes and ran the rag down her arms, memories of a large gentle hand lingering over her skin rising up in her thoughts. Her mind imagined his touch traveling, exploring and wandering to places it hadn’t been. Her heart began to race and she opened her eyes, shaking the image from her head, forcing herself out of the fantasy. It was wrong to think of him like that, it felt like betraying his trust in her somehow. She scrubbed the cloth over her freckled face in frustration and dunked her hair in the pail, cleaning it as best she could and picking out the few stubborn remaining pieces of straw before ringing it out and drying herself off.

Aida throws on her nightclothes quickly before dropping onto her bed with a huff of air. She knew she should at least eat dinner, but she was too exhausted at the prospect of their future expedition to go back down to the kitchens. She turns her head and stares out at the mountains, worrying her bottom lip. Perhaps she should leave Varric behind this time. The longer she stayed around him the harder it was to deny how she felt.

_He said he needs to visit a friend though…_ _I can’t deny him that now, just because it’s hard for me._

Aida sighs and rolls back over, burying her face into the pillow and drifting into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it seems this chapter came much later than previously anticipated.   
> Sorry for the long wait for a relatively slow chapter, but hopefully you enjoyed it anyways! I fully intend to continue writing whenever I have the chance. As always feedback is greatly appreciated, thanks for reading loves!


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